Playing Outdoors

You know the phrase ‘DUFF?’
I think I have found
The demographic that will understand
Or not. There is Google right there,
I don’t need to tell you
How to find meaning in something
Because I am lost
With my version of it.

Have you seen these best friends?
The ones playing with their toys,
Laughing like joyful monkeys
About what has so amused them.
They know everything.
Not the everything you would know,
Nor the everything I would know,
But the everything of each other.

Nodding, winking, hugging, smiling,
Everything that seems to be
In sync to their friendship.
So why is it,
That whilst they play with their toys inside,
Their other friend decides to play with the mud,
And sees comfort in that,
But still tries to look into the house,
With no key to get inside?

She doesn’t like the same juice,
The same intoxicating poison
Of their lost and found years in adulthood.
She stays out of the same sand boxes,
The same ones the jolt an earthquake
Of strobe lighting and sound
The same ones where these friends bump and grind
Against friends-to-be
And not-to-ever-be.

The music crinkles and cracks
A single person’s ability to cope,
with the shatteringly disruptive noise.
What’s wrong with Bublé?
yet she wants to join
Asking herself:
Am I having fun yet?

So the one playing outside
Is silent. And remains silent.
She doesn’t play with the same joys
Or do the same things.
But that’s beside the point.
It’s friendship, a deep and youthful bond.
And if that is so, then why
Are the ones inside not joining
The one playing outdoors?

My Friendship Tree Has A Lot Of Bea Leaves: Casual Musing | Friendship Matters

Can we just take a moment to appreciate how good of a pun that was! *bows* athankyouverymuch.

Even though I don’t consider myself an adult even though in the eyes of the UK law I am, I think that sometimes we forget the importance of the collection of friends we gather through our lives and how many of those friends stick to you like a fly to Low’s Pitcher Plant (ok, maybe not the best simile).

As Feminist Writer, Virginia Woolf says:

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The word ‘illusions’ can oh so easily be exchanged for the word ‘friends’ in this case.

I remember my mum telling me about how in later life the friends you have are likely to stay with you the longest and the friends/best friends you have in your early years such as primary and secondary school are more fleeting but still a part of your life for those small moments. I am very fortunate to be going to University with two people I have been best friends with for 11 and 7 years. Considering that I known one person for more than half of my entire existence, I take this as a blessing I was not expecting. I am also blessed where I have such a good relationship with my parents that they can be considered friends. My family are my friends and my friends are my family and that is a charming thing I am grateful for and appreciate that some people might not have.

I have said to my friends them once how I was ready when we thought we were going to different Universities that I was ready and prepared for losing the connection we have maintained for so long because I knew the nature of friendships in young life, but I wasn’t prepared to keep them. I was aware of some sort of underlying pressure to have that friendship evolve rather than remain stagnant in our primary, secondary and college years. We all go through personal changes no matter now marginal, but that can be enough to change the dynamic of a friendship and for a friendship to take those changes and then develop rather than buckle under the difference is remarkable.

Just remember how stupidly and wonderfully unlikely the friends you have made have come to be. Because of the unlikeliness of the events, actions and existence of our parents are the same for their parents, a string of thoughts, feelings and situations have put you and your friends together when a single change in your family history of events could result in an entirely different set of friends.
Your friends are also an incubator of your personality. Think about it: I have said before in another casual musing how to different people we unconsciously act in a different way and talk about different things and because of that, what you talk about and the version of yourself with your friends is determined by your friends, different set of friends mean your friendship version is different. I had/have different groups of friends, sometimes I am the listener and more quiet, sometimes I am more loud and the speaker of the group. All of those friendship are significant in their own way to create a version of yourself you are most happy with and therefore unknowingly are the decider of who are your friends for life.

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Virginia Woolf has also made comments in her work A Room of One’s Own that female friendships are almost nonexistent in conjunction to male friendships. This is only where every few times can female friendships existence without the presence of men.

Recommended: Friend Like Me

(I think this is a really good short film and I think you might like it to but consider the following…)

How many times have you heard about or seen a film or read a book dedicated to a ‘bromance’ where the male friendship is the focus of the film and don’ always talk about women? How many times have you seen a film or read a book that did the same for female friendships? How many times have you seen/heard/know about a female friendship where a conversation about guys doesn’t appear?

I’m not going to say that is nonexistent but the amount of times I have seen a film, like the film attached to my generation Mean Girls, very often there is a desire to have a connection with a male and even with Cady’s friendship between a male and a female, there is still a mention of her ‘crush’ involving their goals of High School domination.

As I’ve said, I’m not saying a female friendship existing without the presence of men isn’t impossible, but a film or book that is purely about a friendship between two females and nothing else is absent to my personal knowledge. But that might be based on what I have seen, read and heard. Friendships are slightly undermined and so are female friendships sometimes where the absence of conversation dominated by topics involving men can show how meaningful a friendship can be as a friendship stand-alone to romantic or sexual relationships.

I say this knowing this sounds hetero-normative and not the same for all cases of friendship, there can be a plethora of people in a friendship, whatever gender or sexuality. I want to state this clearly because I am using Woolf’s ideas of female friendship as an example to elaborate my point THAT FRIENDSHIP IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS ROMANTIC/SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS AND SHOULDN’T BE UNDERMINED IN THE ADULT WORLD.

Although this is an announcement video created by Fran Meneses, an Illustrator that I have mentioned before in a blog post about Graphic Novels and Illustrators, she makes some very interesting points I tried making a blog post about (clearly otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this) in terms of friendship and how adults (should) approach it. I am also looking forward to her project and can’t wait to read it at some point because this really does interest me. Enjoy,

New book AND travel journal coming up, podcast and PO BOX ~ Frannerd

Also, whilst you are buzzing on the friendship and want to either give your friend a cuddle or a fist bump or that weird-hold-hands-and-slap-and-or-pat-each-other-on-the-back-thing, what is friendship? This varies to different people and the main reason that I think it is important because is a voluntary way of keeping who you know and care about in check without other motives i.e. romantic or sexual (which can be difficult to establish or defer in a friends with benefits relationship as that has its own complications, I mean, there are two films released in the same year about it; Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached).

We decided who are friends are and we also decide and develop not only the closeness or those friendship through events and actions that happen through one another’s lives, but also an unspoken set of boundaries that each person is comfortable with. Whatever type of friendship and however close (acquiescence, friend, close friend, best friend, biffles, other things etc etc that blur the boundary between being friends and being a couple or set of people essentially married to each other), that friendship has enough meaning and trust for those boundaries to not be explicitly expressed unless desired.

Those friends are a part of you in a way that if you are comfortable with them, you are comfortable with yourself because they also chose to be friends with you, remember that. This is because even for me, I find it odd when I check myself and realise the unlikeliness of my friendships and how they willingly choose to be my friend, have me as their friend and actually want to be in my company or want me to be in theirs.

Friendship
noun

1. the state of being afriend; association as friends:

to value a person’s friendship.
2. a friendly relation or intimacy.
3. friendly feeling or disposition.
Dictionary.com
Friendship should have an unspecified amount of intimacy, no matter what gender, should be personal and most definitely have value, no matter how fleeting or everlasting it is. It can help you try and walk in someone else’s shoes, see a different side or set of values, understand the lives of others and develop your personal intellect from another person or set of people.
All friendships matter in helping the creation of you.
Thank you for reading.
Other Image: Quotefancy

Feature URL: http://www.wallpaperswala.com/wp-content/gallery/best-friends/best-friends-pics.jpg

Lighthouse

It was nice. Sitting there. I made sure we picked the spot that didn’t have patches of mud around them, the evening dew on the grass was slowly seeping into my jeans. Nothing like a mildly cold arse to make you regret deciding to sit on the Hoe. In Plymouth, not a person. Who would sit on a- never mind, don’t want to go there.

I sneaked my hands into the sleeves of my jacket and closed the openings to prevent them getting any colder. My cheeks felt lightly bitten and the wind brushing against us only aggravated this sensation. I stretched my legs out and crossed them, If I tried to sit cross legged them my jacket would rise up like the tide and curl into a wedge of material up my stomach. Attractive. My jacket could stop traffic; it was a fluorescent blue like the water in front of us when it’s a clear day. He stretched out his legs too, the weight of his torso was anchored up by his arms behind him. He just stared forward. He sat next to me. We were close.

‘Thanks for inviting me again to join you’. He turned to my direction but I didn’t want to turn and look at him, his stare was so intense it could make my ear radiate with a flushing heat of embarrassment. I have no reason to feel like that.

‘No problem, it’s just nice to get out’. I didn’t do anything. But then again I haven’t really done anything. To ask. For all I knew he wanted something, or not the case at all. My emotions and vulnerability were locked in a concrete cell. I could hammer it down anytime but the cracks were becoming bigger and bigger, I was tempted to just seal up the cracks again. I wanted to leave them as unexplored and dormant as Jumanji. At least that was what I thought, because this could really mean nothing at the end of the day.

I have spent so long questioning myself and his actions that I was only torturing myself. My romantic emotions had become Pandora’s box. It was my decision to pry it open but the two optional fates seemed just as terrifying. The moment I was patient for so long to have of my own, or nothing. The curse in the box was that very often I guess it’s nothing and it turns out I’m right. Sometimes it’s not fun being right all the time.

I didn’t know what to do. The calm ocean had flickering moments of chaos when it collided with the earth. I wonder what it is like to have flickering moments of chaos. Or even a small break from equilibrium. We all like those so when crashed into, we don’t know what to do afterwards. Does the sea ever know when it crashes what to do afterwards?

This was the only chance I could really get, but my small and meek words disappeared when I began overthinking this, it was too late to rehearse anything in my head. I don’t know if it was my tongue-tidied thoughts leading me or some stupid sense of suspicion to find out the truth. But I did it anyway. I leaned my head on his shoulder.

He froze. I could feel his entire body and his breath petrify. I did not expect what happened next.

‘NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO’. He recoiled away from my head, his eyes widened and his glasses steamed briefly out of expiration. Probably shock. I flung back myself from such a reaction. I opened the box. I was right.

‘Ummm…’. I wanted to give an explanation but I was thinking of the multiple responses from him:
What the hell is wrong with you?
I have a girlfriend.
I’m not attracted to you.
Did you really think I would be interested in you?

The actual words weren’t as triggering and he wasn’t horrid, but just as painful and soon his words became ugly and repelling. It was unlike him.

‘What are you doing?’ He jumped from his spot and towered above me whilst I crawled myself up to his level.

‘Everything was fine and now you had to ruin it. What did you think would happen? Why do girls always assume that we are interested in them like that? God!’ I didn’t know what to say to this, even hearing it from a person a liked as a friend and as a possible other for quite a while seemed out of character from him. And I had to ruin our friendship. I wasn’t sorry but I knew things have crashed and wouldn’t be the same.

‘Look, I’m sorry, it was just a lean. If you feel this strongly then forget about it’. I didn’t want to look at him again from either embarrassment that was more appropriate to this situation, or a mild bubbling of anger. He paced in short bursts on the pavement off the grass, leaving tracks of his shoes from the mud he squelched out from his abrupt move.

‘What did you think was going to happen? Did you plan this the whole time?’ I had no words. They have completely gone. I tried to must a sense of logic out of me and shut the box again.

‘I don’t know. Wanna head back?’ He took of his glasses, grabbed a handful of his shirt and wiped them clean. He perched the glasses back on the bridge of his nose and pushed them closer with his index finger. He then interlocked his fingers, swept his palms above his head and sighed heavily as if the situation made his breathing buckle out of confusion and angst. That was how I was feeling.

‘Why did you have to complicate things?’

 

Feature Image URL: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/d/de/Plymouth_Sound_at_evening_light_-_geograph.org.uk_-_89777.jpg