Can we just take a moment to appreciate how good of a pun that was! *bows* athankyouverymuch.
Even though I don’t consider myself an adult even though in the eyes of the UK law I am, I think that sometimes we forget the importance of the collection of friends we gather through our lives and how many of those friends stick to you like a fly to Low’s Pitcher Plant (ok, maybe not the best simile).
As Feminist Writer, Virginia Woolf says:
The word ‘illusions’ can oh so easily be exchanged for the word ‘friends’ in this case.
I remember my mum telling me about how in later life the friends you have are likely to stay with you the longest and the friends/best friends you have in your early years such as primary and secondary school are more fleeting but still a part of your life for those small moments. I am very fortunate to be going to University with two people I have been best friends with for 11 and 7 years. Considering that I known one person for more than half of my entire existence, I take this as a blessing I was not expecting. I am also blessed where I have such a good relationship with my parents that they can be considered friends. My family are my friends and my friends are my family and that is a charming thing I am grateful for and appreciate that some people might not have.
I have said to my friends them once how I was ready when we thought we were going to different Universities that I was ready and prepared for losing the connection we have maintained for so long because I knew the nature of friendships in young life, but I wasn’t prepared to keep them. I was aware of some sort of underlying pressure to have that friendship evolve rather than remain stagnant in our primary, secondary and college years. We all go through personal changes no matter now marginal, but that can be enough to change the dynamic of a friendship and for a friendship to take those changes and then develop rather than buckle under the difference is remarkable.
Just remember how stupidly and wonderfully unlikely the friends you have made have come to be. Because of the unlikeliness of the events, actions and existence of our parents are the same for their parents, a string of thoughts, feelings and situations have put you and your friends together when a single change in your family history of events could result in an entirely different set of friends.
Your friends are also an incubator of your personality. Think about it: I have said before in another casual musing how to different people we unconsciously act in a different way and talk about different things and because of that, what you talk about and the version of yourself with your friends is determined by your friends, different set of friends mean your friendship version is different. I had/have different groups of friends, sometimes I am the listener and more quiet, sometimes I am more loud and the speaker of the group. All of those friendship are significant in their own way to create a version of yourself you are most happy with and therefore unknowingly are the decider of who are your friends for life.
Virginia Woolf has also made comments in her work A Room of One’s Own that female friendships are almost nonexistent in conjunction to male friendships. This is only where every few times can female friendships existence without the presence of men.
Recommended: Friend Like Me
(I think this is a really good short film and I think you might like it to but consider the following…)
How many times have you heard about or seen a film or read a book dedicated to a ‘bromance’ where the male friendship is the focus of the film and don’ always talk about women? How many times have you seen a film or read a book that did the same for female friendships? How many times have you seen/heard/know about a female friendship where a conversation about guys doesn’t appear?
I’m not going to say that is nonexistent but the amount of times I have seen a film, like the film attached to my generation Mean Girls, very often there is a desire to have a connection with a male and even with Cady’s friendship between a male and a female, there is still a mention of her ‘crush’ involving their goals of High School domination.
As I’ve said, I’m not saying a female friendship existing without the presence of men isn’t impossible, but a film or book that is purely about a friendship between two females and nothing else is absent to my personal knowledge. But that might be based on what I have seen, read and heard. Friendships are slightly undermined and so are female friendships sometimes where the absence of conversation dominated by topics involving men can show how meaningful a friendship can be as a friendship stand-alone to romantic or sexual relationships.
I say this knowing this sounds hetero-normative and not the same for all cases of friendship, there can be a plethora of people in a friendship, whatever gender or sexuality. I want to state this clearly because I am using Woolf’s ideas of female friendship as an example to elaborate my point THAT FRIENDSHIP IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS ROMANTIC/SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS AND SHOULDN’T BE UNDERMINED IN THE ADULT WORLD.
Although this is an announcement video created by Fran Meneses, an Illustrator that I have mentioned before in a blog post about Graphic Novels and Illustrators, she makes some very interesting points I tried making a blog post about (clearly otherwise you wouldn’t be reading this) in terms of friendship and how adults (should) approach it. I am also looking forward to her project and can’t wait to read it at some point because this really does interest me. Enjoy,
New book AND travel journal coming up, podcast and PO BOX ~ Frannerd
Also, whilst you are buzzing on the friendship and want to either give your friend a cuddle or a fist bump or that weird-hold-hands-and-slap-and-or-pat-each-other-on-the-back-thing, what is friendship? This varies to different people and the main reason that I think it is important because is a voluntary way of keeping who you know and care about in check without other motives i.e. romantic or sexual (which can be difficult to establish or defer in a friends with benefits relationship as that has its own complications, I mean, there are two films released in the same year about it; Friends with Benefits and No Strings Attached).
We decided who are friends are and we also decide and develop not only the closeness or those friendship through events and actions that happen through one another’s lives, but also an unspoken set of boundaries that each person is comfortable with. Whatever type of friendship and however close (acquiescence, friend, close friend, best friend, biffles, other things etc etc that blur the boundary between being friends and being a couple or set of people essentially married to each other), that friendship has enough meaning and trust for those boundaries to not be explicitly expressed unless desired.
Those friends are a part of you in a way that if you are comfortable with them, you are comfortable with yourself because they also chose to be friends with you, remember that. This is because even for me, I find it odd when I check myself and realise the unlikeliness of my friendships and how they willingly choose to be my friend, have me as their friend and actually want to be in my company or want me to be in theirs.